The 85% Problem

Somewhere along the way, we decided the only way up in a company is through managing a team.

You do good work. You get noticed. And the reward is a promotion that hands you people to manage. Not necessarily a larger scope on the thing you're actually good at…just, people.

There are two very different situations hiding inside that one promotion, and many companies don’t handle either well.

The Manager Who Doesn’t Want to Manage

You’re offered a promotion, something you’ve been working hard for. But with that comes the dreaded task of managing people. Nobody checked if you had any interest in, or skill at, the completely different job of managing humans. You have zero interest in managing people, but you said yes anyway. Either because saying no felt like career suicide, or because it was the only way to advance your career and get a much deserved raise. 

The Manager Who Wants to Manage, But Has No Clue How

Or perhaps leading people is exactly what you’ve been working toward. And being offered the opportunity both excites and frightens you. Because wanting to lead people, and being trained for it, are two completely different things. Most companies hand you the opportunity and skip the instruction manual entirely, leaving you to fend for yourself.

Whichever one you are, you're not alone. Gartner research found that 85% of new people managers receive no formal training to become a manager. 

I coach leaders on this gap regularly. Regardless of whether you’re newly promoted or a few years in, the ability to manage is something most were never taught to do effectively. 

And it shows up fastest in conversations, especially high stakes ones: 

• Giving feedback. 

• Addressing a performance problem. 

• Talking to someone who used to be your equal and now isn't sure where they stand with you.

A 2020 SHRM survey found 84% of workers said poorly trained managers create unnecessary work and stress, and DDI research found 57% had left a job specifically because of their manager. The gap doesn't stay contained to one person. It moves through the whole team. 

So how do you address it?

Here are a few things I coach leaders through when they're in this exact spot:

Separate the message from the relationship. Feedback, whether positive or negative, isn't about whether you like someone or not. It’s about job performance. Be direct and clear. Explain why you’re delivering this feedback and provide concrete examples. Focus on the facts, not on feelings. 

Acknowledge emotions. In any high stakes conversation, emotions are bound to run high. Keep your emotions in check and don’t let them hijack the conversation. If your employee is responding emotionally, acknowledge their emotions so they feel seen and heard. (Acknowledgement doesn’t equal agreement.) Then bring the conversation back to your mutual goals. 

Set expectations up front. One of the places where communications break down the fastest is in expectation setting. Many managers, especially those new to managing, assume that employees know what is expected of them. And then when the employee doesn't perform as expected, it's easy to blame them for not knowing. The harder question is whether you actually told them. Setting clear expectations up front, and checking to make sure those expectations are understood, is one of the easiest ways to improve performance and reduce the likelihood of excuses, blame placing and conflict. 

Connection is greater than perfection. Just because you’re now a manager, doesn’t mean that you have to appear to have it all figured out. Be honest about where you are on your journey. If you make a mistake, own it. Show that you’re willing to listen, learn and improve…not just for your benefit, but for the benefit of your team. That will go much further in building strong relationships with your team and creating a culture of collaboration.

None of this is about becoming a different person. It's about learning to say things you already know how to say, to people you already know, in a role that changes what those same words mean.

If you're struggling with a similar management challenge right now, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, you’re just doing it without a roadmap. And that’s fixable.

Want to learn more about how we support teams with their interpersonal communication goals? Schedule a complimentary Goals & Strategy Session so that we can help guide you on the path to success. 

Speak Success, 

Shannon