The Skill We Think We’re Good At, But Rarely Practice with Intention

Last week, I taught a workshop for an association. The audience included a wide range of experience levels, from new college graduates just getting started in their careers to seasoned professionals with decades of experience under their belts.

The client wanted the content to resonate with everyone in the room, regardless of career level, and they wanted every participant to walk away with something they could actually use.

At the end of every workshop, I like to ask two questions:

1) What was your number one takeaway?, and 2) What’s one thing you plan to implement in the next 30 days?

The first person to speak was a man who said his biggest takeaway was one of the six pillars of effective communication we talked about: listening.

He got a good laugh from the room when he followed that up by saying his wife is always telling him he needs to listen more, so she’ll be very happy that he learned something new about effective listening. When I asked what he planned to implement in the next 30 days, he didn’t miss a beat…”Listen to my wife.” More laughter erupted in the room.

While his comment was clearly made in jest, he followed it up by reinforcing just how important listening really is. And interestingly enough, that theme kept coming up again and again as others shared their takeaways.

Listening sounds simple. It’s something we all do every day. But most of us aren’t actually listening to understand. We’re listening to respond. To jump in with our own story, perspective or solution.

When that happens, people feel talked over, misunderstood, unseen and unheard. And that is a sure-fire way to lose trust and perspective, and to increase miscommunication, misunderstandings and conflict. 

Effective listening requires shutting off that little voice in your head that wants to jump in and start speaking. It requires slowing down long enough to fully hear what someone is saying instead of deciding what you’re going to say next. 

When I talk about listening, people often ask, “But what if I forget what I wanted to say?”

I usually give the following answer: If you’re really listening, what you planned to say may not even be relevant anymore. And if it is important, write it down. That frees you up to stay present instead of mentally rehearsing your response.

When people feel truly listened to, conversations and relationship dynamics change. Trust builds and communication becomes less about winning a point and more about understanding each other.

That’s why listening, real listening, isn’t just a “nice to have” communication skill. It’s fundamental whether you’re at work, at home or anywhere in between. 

This week, I want to invite you to pay closer attention to how you listen. Notice what happens when you listen with the intention to understand, not respond. 

Does it change how you show up in the conversation? Does it shift the dynamic or the outcome? Does it feel natural or uncomfortable?

I’d love to hear what you notice when you practice more intentional, active listening!

Speak Success,