Why We Miscommunicate (and How to Do Better)

If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking, “How did that go so sideways?,” chances are perception and perspective were at play.

They’re closely related, often confused, and at the root of many everyday communication breakdowns. The good news is that once you understand the difference, small shifts can lead to big changes in how you connect with others.

Let’s start with a simple breakdown of the difference between perception and perspective. 

Perception is what you notice and interpret in the moment.

It’s your immediate read on what’s happening. What you think you saw, heard or felt.

Perspective is the lens you’re looking through.

It’s shaped by your experiences, beliefs, culture and history. It influences how you make sense of what you perceive.

When we confuse perception with fact, communication gets messy. We assume our interpretation is the truth, rather than a truth.

Perception In Action

I often demonstrate this with an optical illusion when I’m teaching.

Some people see an old woman. Others see a young woman. Very few see both right away. And even after I point both images out, some still struggle to see both.

Everyone is looking at the same picture. What changes is how the brain organizes what it sees.

That’s perception.

And this is exactly what happens in conversations. We see one version of events and assume that’s what happened. We get attached to our interpretation without realizing there may be another valid way to see it.

Perspective in Action

After the optical illusion, I share the image of the number on the floor with a man standing on either side. One person sees a 6. The other sees a 9.

Both are right based on where they’re standing, and both would be wrong if they insisted their view was the only one.

That’s perspective.

This is where conflict often shows up. Not because someone is wrong or difficult, but because two people are looking at the same situation from different vantage points.

Whether I’m teaching college students or working with seasoned professionals on the training floor, I see the same thing every time. Lightbulbs go off and communication starts to shift.

When I taught college students, I used to start the semester by having them write about a communication breakdown. Most papers leaned heavily into blame, claiming they were right and the other person was wrong.

Mid-semester, after learning about perception, perspective and other interpersonal skills, I had them rewrite the paper. Every single time, the tone shifted and students took accountability for their role. 

They acknowledged assumptions they made, showed empathy for the other person’s experience, could clearly articulate what they failed to take into account, and how another perspective might have changed the outcome.

With adults, I don’t assign papers, but I see the same pattern emerge through role play. In the first round, participants tend to stick to one approach, operating from a single interpretation of the situation without considering how it might be perceived from the other side.

Then we slow things down. We talk about perception and perspective and practice more mindful communication. The shift is immediate and easy to see, from the words people choose to their tone, the questions they ask, and the level of curiosity they bring into the interaction.

It’s incredible to watch how even a short training on this topic can fundamentally change how people communicate in real time.

Putting It Into Practice

You don’t need a full framework to start making changes. These three shifts alone can reduce miscommunication and increase understanding.

1. Be mindful of your perceptions

When something feels off, pause and ask yourself: What am I assuming right now? Name your perception instead of treating it as fact. That pause alone creates space for clarity.

2. Actively consider other perspectives

Ask yourself what might be influencing the other person’s point of view. This could be their role, pressure they’re under, their experience or context. You don’t have to agree to acknowledge that another perspective exists.

3. Slow the conversation down

Most communication breakdowns happen at speed. Slowing down allows you to ask better questions, listen more fully, and respond instead of react.

Perception and perspective aren’t problems to eliminate. They’re human. The work is becoming aware of them.

When we are more aware of how our perceptions and perspectives come into play, communication becomes less about being right and more about understanding. Less about defending and more about connecting. 

That’s where collaboration lives and conflict reduces. And that’s where better outcomes begin.